As Thanksgiving approaches quickly, the past few days I have took some time to reflect over the past year. How different I was feeling this time last year.
I remember the days leading up the Thanksgiving 2016 being hard ones. We had just had our 2nd baby and with any new baby comes fears and anxiety. At least for me it does.
Should we really take him to a huge gathering at 3 weeks old? Will he get RSV? Can we go to One and not the other? Is it unfair to my daughter to not have ANY time with her extended family for Thanksgiving? I mean, the list could go on and on.
Thanksgiving came and my husband and I had made the decision that we would keep our new baby home this year. I must also mention, this is right about the time where we realized and were talking to professionals about PPD/PPA.
I remember waking up on Thanksgiving day and crying. I couldn’t grasp not seeing my family on Thanksgiving, My heart was hurting, and completely torn between missing out and keeping our newborn “safe” and going and the potential sicknesses that our baby could catch. After crying most of the day, I told my husband that I needed to go to my families Thanksgiving and I couldn’t leave my son, so we were all going to go. (Also part of my PPD/A) No way was I leaving my 3 week old son for a few hours.
I remember all of these feelings of needing to control everything, worrying about everything, and just raw emotion. I remember feeling like this was never going to pass, that THIS was my life now. I would be caught in a constant state of caring too much and controlling too much yet feeling SO helpless.
As I sit here, my one year old asleep in the back seat, my daughter already inside playing with her cousins, I can’t help but think about how hopeless I felt JUST a year ago.
But here I am. On the eve of Thanksgiving, waiting for my beautiful, healthy son to wake up so we can go into my brothers home to help set up for the big dinner tomorrow. Here I am. Hopeful. Healthy. Alive. And Thankful for my path that led me here today.
There is SO much light at the end of the tunnel. My journey isn’t over. I have conquered and have made HUGE strides. I have weaned down my dosage of medication & I am happy!
So, to those who are in the dark—
There is light and it is so so sweet. Power through. Lean on your village. And know you are not alone.
Happy Thanksgiving 🦃
Xoxo