I am 2 weeks post partum with my 3rd {& final} baby and almost 2 years from when I shared my post partum journey with my 2nd baby.
My blog two years ago opened up conversations with people I barely knew and made me extremely vulnerable on a subject that is mostly kept silent.... Post-partum Depression & Anxiety.
My 2nd birth sent me into a downward spiral where I doubted myself as a mother, wife, and overall human. I was constantly crying, sick to my stomach and was unsure of how I was ever going to get out of this “hole” I was in. I got help. I spoke openly about my struggles. And I took medication. For 1 year I was medicated. And I am proud and happy to say that I weaned off my medication right before my last pregnancy; though I was fully prepared to get back on it if need be and so was my doctor.
As we got closer to my due date there was an overwhelming worry of - will it happen again?! But this time, I was prepared. I talked openly with my husband and family, and my doctor was prepared to help.
We opted out of taking medicine prior to delivery... that’s one way to help/prevent it happening in such an abrupt manner like last time.
I have been on a supplement for over a year now, completely safe during pregnancy and it has helped me get healthier mentally and physically.
So now we are two weeks from my delivery and .... I feel amazing. Sure I am tired and get frustrated but not like before. My entire being feels different. What I think has helped is this:
1. My friends And family ask me how I am doing. They aren’t afraid of the subject.
2. I am more aware of my needs and when I need a break.
3. I hold myself accountable.
4.I am not afraid of going back on medication. I know how I am supposed to feel and what is right and wrong. I know what its like to feel GOOD and what it feels like to be at the lowest of low.
5. I am not ashamed of needing medication after my last pregnancy and I wouldn’t be ashamed if I needed it again. Medication has such a bad connotation and I am done worrying if someone will judge me!
6. Also, Medication made me feel like myself & got me to where I am today... it made me feel alive again and I Thank God for that every single day!
I write this to tell all my mommy warriors out there that it’s OK to talk about it, it’s OK to ask me about it, it’s OK to have PPD/A multiple times or just 1 time (and it’s actually more likely to happen/reoccur after it’s happened 1x), don’t be afraid, know that there is HOPE and HELP.
And most of all, know that you are NOT alone. There is a rainbow at the end, you CAN and WILL feel better.
